PT test December!

So its been a long year.  There have been so many changes in my life!  I'm sure that if you have read my blog you know most of them.  Its been a whirlwind and there have been ups and downs.  I got to play Santa last night which was a joy because these kids were so excited about getting gifts from me.  I couldn't help but realize that my job really does help these kids.  I sometimes don't realize it especially when the kids are bored of talking to you all the time.  One of my kids get to go home from the group home he was in because he met all of his goals!!

We have Christmas tomorrow and I have been waiting on my presents to be delivered.  Of course I didn't order them until Tuesday, oops!!  I think I did pretty well on the gifts, but I have to finish one!  Ben has been super helpful giving me ideas because my mind was blank.  Pretty much he is great and he gets to go with us to Virginia on Saturday!!  I'm excited for him to meet my crazy family and super nervous, but hey he already knows i'm crazy so he will figure out where I got it!

So we have been having 3 day a week camps for 2 months now.  Its super hard for me to do 3 days a week for some reason, you would think that it is easier but I think the routine of having to go to bed at the right time is better.  When it is a 3 day camp I will stay up too late on some days and then forget to go to bed early other days.  Either way its been a great holiday season!

We did a PT test today!  It was not my best time but it was also freezing outside (literally) and super windy.  I did finally beat the 30, because I hadn't been able to get to 30 sit ups in the past months.  This month I got to 32 (in a minute)!!!!!  I have been having trouble with my shoulders so the dips and such haven't been that good.  I haven't gained or lost any weight, but one of my lovely co-bootcampers said that I looked skinnier, so I'll take that.

Also for anyone that is interested, we start another 6 week/3 day a week camp!!!  You guys should come and join me in the mornings.  I will be working out with people 5 days a week because I need to keep getting up, but the 3 day is a good way to get used to getting up so early!!!  Ask me how to join if you want to!

Many Blessings

There are many things that I worry about constantly, thats what you do when you have anxiety.  You worry yourself to death over the little things.  Lately I have been worrying about how I am going to pay the bills and get Christmas presents for my family.  I know that many people have it worse than me but I still worry.  I worry like probably 90% of people do.  We are told in Matthew 6:24 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.".  I don't listen usually listen to this verse very well, but I've been learning to with the help of some people in my life.  I'm learning to take it one day at a time and ask for help if I need it.  

I have to be happy because the most important things in life I have.  I have my family who puts up with more from me than they should and friends who are amazing to me.  I was told by my mom the other day that she prays for my happiness everyday.  I have forgotten how to pray for the good things lately.  I usually just pray for my wants and needs and forget to praise him for what he has done in my life.  Tonight How I met your mother (oddly enough) reminded me that my life rocks.  I have finally gotten what I have been praying for, for years.  I prayed that I would have people love me for me and not judge me.  I have finally surrounded myself with people that truly care about me.  I'm talking about everyone that I truly call friends.  Its kind of fitting that I have this feeling to write about this right before Christmas but hey lets be corny for once.  

I don't really want to talk about the workout thing because its been a rough month.  I haven't been eating well but i'll get back on it and I won't be conquered by my addiction to food.  

I want to think everyone again who has supported me on my journey and also to those people in my life that can get me to calm down when I have a panic attack (even when we both don't know whats happening).   

And a big shout out to my mom and dad who have their 30th wedding anniversary on Wednesday the day after Christmas!!!  I hope that I can be as happy and in love as you guys one day!  

2 in one day!!

I don't know what has gotten into to me.  I think its because I'm listening to the breathing of everyone in my house sleeping.  I don't want to turn on the TV so that I don't wake anyone up.

Here is something that I want to share for anyone that has been following my progress.  I started without being able to run up the hill that starts in the drake field parking lot and goes to the fountain.  If you ever think that you can't improve, you are mistaken.  That first week of bootcamp I never thought I would get past that hill.  I now know that the hill is manageable and actually getting easier every day.  I know that I never thought that I would get back to where I was in high school but I am now inching my way there.  I now catch myself when I start to say "can't" even though Charlie still catches me or hears me when it slips.

So moral of the story, don't say can't and you can always improve!!!

I'm a lazy lazy bum!!!

Hey guys!!!  I know that I have been driving you guys crazy not posting anything.  I've been super busy!!  Well kind of busy and the rest of the time I was procrastinating or doing something other than being on the internet.

First off!!  I did my mile time on 10/31/12 and I got a PR of 12:39!  It was super awesome because I was running with everyone else for the long run and we just timed it.  I think I had less anxiety because I knew that I had 3 mile times that I could choose from.  Wish I could do that every single time!  I don't know what my measurements are because I didn't do any of that because I was going out of town.  One thing I can say is that I have fit into the smalles pants so far.  I am finally able to wear my size 18 Levis.  For the guys that read this blog, you are probably thinking that every size 18 is the same, but it isn't.  Levis especially run small.  I also realized that since I was wearing the 20 jeans for a long time they were probably around a size 22 when I started this journey.  Jeans stretch out an I know that they were getting super tight.

On Halloween I went down to see my bestie Caro get married.  I also took Ben (the boyfriend) who is amazing and puts up with my craziness.  We had a blast and as usual Carolyn was beautiful.  I cried almost the whole ceremony because Caro has been my best friend for 10 years and she completely deserves all the happiness in the world.  Btw...Its gonna be a big milestone this month, I've been dating Ben for 2 months.  Craziness!!!  Its super fun and we get along great.

Back to the fitness part, I have hit a plateau with my weight and need to get back on the paleo or diet super strict train soon or I won't lose anymore.  I haven't gained anything but I'm just kind of sitting at a stand still.  Its driving me crazy.  I'm thinking that I have just gotten lax and have been too happy to think about what I'm putting into my body.  I refuse to gain love weight (the weight most people gain when they fall in love) because I have worked too hard to get where I am right now.  Oh and above are some pictures from the wedding and the Cattle Baron's Ball we went to!  Btw, that blue dress is the giant one.  They took 14 inches out of it and it fit like a glove.  Really?  14 inches, *pats self on back*!!!  Now to make Sheila have to take more inches out of it!!!

Anxiety is worthless!

So here goes guys.  I don't know how much I'll be able to type since I have to get going to work, but I know that I need to post something.  I was so anxious this morning and it made me run slower I think. I started the run this morning almost in tears because I was fighting myself because I didn't know if I could make or break my time.  Everyone was asking me about my time and I know that everyone just wanted to get me ready for the mile but it hit me wrong today.  Some days I regret starting this blog because it means that so many people are also invested in my success which can set you up for failure.  I think, what if I don't make my goals and disappoint everyone.  I spoke to some very special people who are encouragers for me and all of them said that my success is encouraging to others but if I don't make my goals I am not a disappointment.  Thanks guys for saying that!

I have to realize that my BIGGEST critic is the voice in the back of my head that still doesn't believe that I can do it.  I need to find a way to punch her in the face and cut her off on PT days.  I freaked out and made my breathing horrible for nothing because if I had just taken a deep breath and said screw it I would have done better.  Even though the anxiety I took 7 seconds off my mile 13:04!!!  (I thought it was more, but hey i'll take it).  I also beat my sit ups, dips, and did about the same in push ups.

So you guys know the picture of the giant dress??  My seamstress had to cut 12 inches off of it and is cutting 2 more out as we speak.  So 14 inches off the dress.  Can you believe that??  I put it on and it actually fit well (a little loose still, but it would stay up).

So here are the totals for inches lost so far:
Hips: 6 inches
Chest: 9 inches
Waist: 6.25 inches
Thigh (started measuring 2 months ago): 3.5 inches
Weight: 46 lbs.  I think I said it was 53 lbs, but it was actually 43 when I posted it and somehow did my math wrong.  I never thought that I would see 250 again and I will be lower than that in a couple of weeks.

I love you guys and I am so happy to be doing this and can't wait to do more!!!

Here is something to think about....Here is a picture that was from October 2011:

I look so much different now!  Its not until I see photos that I realize.  

Waaabamm!!

So i've been told that I haven't blogged enough recently....oops.  As usual my life is taking over and I need to take some time to write down my feelings. Right now I'm rushing through this because I have appointments this morning and I need to get done so that I can have the weekend to myself.  Well not to myself but won't be distracted by work!

So I know that I've talked about that giant dress that I had to order in January.  A size 24.....ridiculous!! Well I tried it on at Carolyn's bachelorette party!  Here is the picture:

Can you believe that was supposed to fit me in January.  I haven't weighed myself since Monday but I had lost 53 lbs.  What??  Can ya'll believe it?  I can't and I'm super confident.  There were a couple pictures in the last couple of weeks that made me realize that I'm getting thinner.  At the bachelorette parties I was looking at pictures and I noticed that my body size was getting to where it looks similar to other people's.  How freaking cool is that??  I don't know what to do with that.  I took the above dress to Ms. Sheila (our amazing friend/seamstress and she was laughing at how big this dress is.  She is having to take out 4 inches of material at least.  I still have a month until I have to get the dress precisely fitted so it could be more (well it probably will be more).

Dad wants me to go to grad school and is going to help me, I don't know if I told ya'll that or not, but i'm working towards getting that done.  Scary but true, and I've finally decided speech therapy

Also, I have me a sweet boy that is too amazing to me!  Its been a long time since I've actually been in a relationship and have never been in one.  I'm excited about the future and am super happy and comfortable with myself.  Anyways, gotta jet off to work because I am a busy girl!

PT test month 7!!!!!!!

Finished my mile this morning and was so happy because I bypassed my goal or 13:30.  I got a personal record of 13:11!!!  I am 15 lbs down which I said before.  I don't know if I expand much more on my goals, because I have all of mine spelled out.  

I did more dips and pushups than ever before and no alternative ones.  I did the same amount of sit ups, but Audrey said that I was doing them in better form than some people.  

I have some mental goals:

-Stop blaming the past and look towards the future

-Surround myself by only people who are truly supportive

-work towards the GRE test no matter how much it scares the piss out of me

-Push the positive thinking

-Get back with God: I pray often but need to go back to church.  I think i might get the book that Leslie recommended.  

I don't know if there are anymore, but I will think about them.  I gotta get ready for work.