Month of Thanks

I don't really buy into the 30 days of Thanks that everyone does on facebook.  There are two reasons for that:
1. I would forget around day 3 and then have to catch up the rest of the month on Thanksgiving and they would be crap
2. I feel like November should not be the only month where we post what we are thankful for.  You should be thankful all the time and try not to take anything for granted.

Well here is my list of what I am thankful for in no particular order.  I was reading some people's post on facebook and I realize that I am so blessed and it is so easy to get lulled into a false sense of security and never really appreciate what is around you. 

1. God

I know a lot of people that are my friends know that I am a Christian but sadly may not know how important my faith is to me.  No I am not a regular church goer because I have a hard time connecting to churches in general, but I do love Jesus and try to worship in my own way everyday. 

God has played a big part in my journey all my life but specifically the last year.  I had lost my faith a few years back because of lack of study and also really bad unhealthy Christians around me.  I had become jaded because of people's use of Christian when they weren't Christ like at all.  So I walked back to God with the help of Lisa and Rachel.  Lisa saw my need and pain and directed me to a program at Southcrest church in Newnan where I met Rachel.  Rachel was completely patient and helped me delve into my issues and questions about God.  I never realized how far I had gotten until I was directed back.  God has guided me to this exact point where I am today because I needed to feel it and experience it.  Without all of the trails that I have gone through I would have never become the compassionate person that I am today.  God gave me the strength to get through this year and find a new path.  A new path that will help me work towards my goals. 

2. Family

Anyone that has met me knows that I am freakishly close to my family.  I think my biggest fear is losing them.  They are constant pillars of strength in my life.  My parents are the ones that instilled in me that I needed to always try my best and never half ass anything.  My parents are amazing because they are allowing me to follow my dreams of going back to school and have taken me to raise again (since financial aid isn't available to me).  They encourage me and challenge me.  I don't know how I would have turned out if I didn't have my family support. 

3. Friends

I have always struggled with making and keeping good friends.  They always somehow drift out of my life and leave me heart broken.  In the last few years that has changed though.  Maybe because I have settled down and don't want to change friends or because I genuinely have found a connection.  Throughout the years people have used me for my generous and loving nature but very few people have stood by me through thick and thin.  Even fewer didn't come attached with ultimatums.  I can remember distinctly a few of these ultimatums where someone had told me that we would no longer be friends if I couldn't make it to the bar this day or couldn't get out of a commitment.  That's not real friendship....

My best friends have shown me in the last year that I can rely on them if I need it.  They have been my cheerleaders, my shoulders to cry on, and understanding of my hectic, sometimes crazy schedule. Its wonderful to finally have this.  I love being able to be there for them just as much as they are for me and it is wonderful. 

Okay, I have to get back to classes!  And I have many many more things that I am thankful for but those are the main areas of my life! 

A Healthy Approach to Dating

I've never been a good dater.  I always get too close too quickly and always fall too hard.  This is partly my personality and partly because I've always struggled with my own insecurities.  If you know me, you know that I love to be close to people and get to know everything about them.  That's why I became a counselor and why I was so good at investigating.  I am not shy about being nosy and I don't really apologize for it.  Throughout my life, I have been insecure about people really liking me for me.  This is a reason why I am really good at acting because I have been doing it forever.  When I was younger, I would always find people that I wanted to be friends with and gear m personality to be who they would like. 

I have finally figured out in the last year that people like me for me.  Partly because I have finally gotten comfortable with who I am and not constantly apologizing for my weird little idiosyncrasies and eccentricities that make me Megan.  I've dated more guys that I can count but they rarely get serious because I am good at hiding who I truly am.  I can play the game better than most guys I date.  Well: NEWS FLASH: I quit.  I no longer want to play these games and refuse to soften, quiet, stifle myself to be someone he wants to date.  There have been many times that I have to tone down my personality and become less bubbly or friendly to be able to not make the guy nervous.  Screw him!  Be nervous or uncomfortable, because this is me!!  I want to be me, no apologies.

I know the consequences to these actions: I will scare off many men before I find one that can handle me, but in the mean time I will focus on school, family, and friends.  I'm pretty happy at this point in my life.  I'm kicking ass at school, eating healthy, and working out (okay not as much as I should since bootcamp isn't every morning for me anymore).  I have more loyal friends than I can count and I am thankful for them everyday. 

My plan for dating is: to guard my heart, really get to know the person, not sacrifice my character and life for them, and don't pretend to be the completely put together robot that I have so many times presented myself as.

World, watch out you have a Megan coming your way and she isn't apologizing anymore because I am worthy of that love and affection now, not when I'm the toned down, skinnier, prettier version of myself.  NOW!