One big thing in bootcamp is to change your eating habits. I struggle with this because of my food addiction. I ate horribly before this experience. I would do my best for a while but get sick of starving to death all the time and would fall back into the comfort food routine. I have a problem giving up those comfort foods now. I love pasta like crazy and the bad thing is that I can't eat spaghetti that much because my tomato allergy. I love alfredo sauce but you might as well super glue fat to your body. I need to find another alternative that will curb my craving. If you are reading this please give me ideas.
Well Tuesday I had a breakdown at bootcamp because I was being critiqued for my eating habits. Laura says that she is surprised that it took this long for me to have a breakdown but that is beside the point. I got very angry and defensive about my eating habits when I knew they were right. I need to stop having those sweets and need to eat more veggies. I also need to remember to eat. For years I have lived off of 2 meals a day at the most and they were huge. I need to get into the habit of eating more frequently and less. I think that is the hardest part for me because I know what I should eat but I just want to eat like 3xs the amount I am supposed to at one meal. Like the other day I had stir fry and it probably equated to 3 servings of veggies and a protein and a carb. I should have eaten less of the stir fry or had 2 servings throughout the day. I don't really now how to change these habits but somethings got to give.
As Dori has said that it takes a lot of planning. I wonder if anyone could help me out with inexpensive good meal ideas since I'm on a pretty much negative money food budget. I have what my parents have in the house (which isn't bad) but it isn't all of the health food nut stuff. Yet again if you are reading this help!!! Anyways, I'm trying hard every day to make good choices like grilled vs fried, wheat vs white, and water vs juice or soda (not that I will ever be able to completely give up my diet coke). I just read the last sentence and I sound like a bootcamper (rolls eyes)!!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Funny Bone Pain
Its really not all that funny to hurt your funny bone. My knee has been bothering me for about a week (at least). It seems to be something during this bootcamp process. I mean once I heal my ankle I hurt my knee. I am powering through it though. I bought a knee brace and have been icing like I'm supposed to. I HAVE NOT missed a workout this month!!!
The breathing is getting easier also. I've been cigarette free since Feb 6th and when I have gotten a puff from someone it has tasted nasty. I can tell in the workout that I am breathing better and not getting as winded as easily. I can also tell that I am doing better because I am getting closer and closer to the group when we are running. I'm still the slowest person but I'm not giving up.
We did the LONG RUN the other day and when Josh said we were doing it, I about fainted, cried, and threw up at the same time. Thank god Dori and Audrey were both standing beside me and made me stay otherwise I probably would have bolted!! The long run for those that don't know is 3 miles (may be longer but its about that). I didn't run the whole time but I did run more than I would have that first week. Audrey stayed with me the whole time and they did back to fronts so the whole group would stay together. The more experienced runners stated that they like to run a lot so I don't feel as bad that people have to come back for me. Its still embarrassing but no one makes fun of me or gets annoyed with me. I felt really accomplished after I finished the long run. I would never have been able to do 3 miles in that amount of time before this.
The breathing is getting easier also. I've been cigarette free since Feb 6th and when I have gotten a puff from someone it has tasted nasty. I can tell in the workout that I am breathing better and not getting as winded as easily. I can also tell that I am doing better because I am getting closer and closer to the group when we are running. I'm still the slowest person but I'm not giving up.
We did the LONG RUN the other day and when Josh said we were doing it, I about fainted, cried, and threw up at the same time. Thank god Dori and Audrey were both standing beside me and made me stay otherwise I probably would have bolted!! The long run for those that don't know is 3 miles (may be longer but its about that). I didn't run the whole time but I did run more than I would have that first week. Audrey stayed with me the whole time and they did back to fronts so the whole group would stay together. The more experienced runners stated that they like to run a lot so I don't feel as bad that people have to come back for me. Its still embarrassing but no one makes fun of me or gets annoyed with me. I felt really accomplished after I finished the long run. I would never have been able to do 3 miles in that amount of time before this.
And I'm a DD
Not a Double D (I wish) but a DD as in Designated Driver. We went out for an impromptu girls night and it was amazing! I was the one watching all of my friends be silly and tipsy but I ended up being the one that I think had the best time. I kissed a boy and I liked it. All my girls talked to boys but I think I was the only one to give out a number.
Well its Wednesday and I haven't gotten a call. I don't know why I even expect one since he was drinking and boys do that to me. The men in society today (not all, but a lot) get offended if a girl doesn't go home with him on the first night. Well first off I was driving my friends home and second I'm trying to have a real relationship not a f-buddy relationship. I'm sure that I could get into the sociology of the reason that men are not into relationships or want sex way earlier in a relationship but I don't want to. I'm sick of feeling like a prude when I don't want to have sex on the first date or the day I meet them.
Anyways, moral of the story is that I have given out my number 2 times in the last month and nothing has happened. These men need to call me or hey tell me that they aren't interested and never get my number. Silly I know! I know what this is: God is telling me that I need to be patient. Its very hard to do when you can't sit still and are anxious. So I just need to breathe and let life happen!!! I need to stop planning and let everything happen as its supposed to.
Well its Wednesday and I haven't gotten a call. I don't know why I even expect one since he was drinking and boys do that to me. The men in society today (not all, but a lot) get offended if a girl doesn't go home with him on the first night. Well first off I was driving my friends home and second I'm trying to have a real relationship not a f-buddy relationship. I'm sure that I could get into the sociology of the reason that men are not into relationships or want sex way earlier in a relationship but I don't want to. I'm sick of feeling like a prude when I don't want to have sex on the first date or the day I meet them.
Anyways, moral of the story is that I have given out my number 2 times in the last month and nothing has happened. These men need to call me or hey tell me that they aren't interested and never get my number. Silly I know! I know what this is: God is telling me that I need to be patient. Its very hard to do when you can't sit still and are anxious. So I just need to breathe and let life happen!!! I need to stop planning and let everything happen as its supposed to.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
What doesn't kill you.....
"Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson
I needed this song on Tuesday. I'm struggling with my new job and all of the changes I have made in my life and Tuesday I had a panic attack about all of it. I had a very defeatist attitude. I need to stop holding everything in until I explode.
I have amazing friends and family because they have done nothing but encourage me. I need to work on self motivating.
I had a bad day eating yesterday because I was so stressed out. I was beating myself up but I have to learn to just get over it and move on and do better at the next meal. I'm working on getting better at the self talk because I have been very negative this week!! Thats why there haven't been any blogs because I haven't had a reason to type. In reality that is probably when i should have been typing the most.
The one thing I can say is that people are starting to notice a change in my face and I can feel it in my jeans. It gets progressively easier to breathe and catch my breath. Everyone was very encouraging today saying that I would be able to run a 5k in 30 days. Thats crazy to me because i've walked one before. Hey its a great goal and I'll be happy to try it!! I'm learning to remember that we all have set backs but we have to learn how to grow from them.
I needed this song on Tuesday. I'm struggling with my new job and all of the changes I have made in my life and Tuesday I had a panic attack about all of it. I had a very defeatist attitude. I need to stop holding everything in until I explode.
I have amazing friends and family because they have done nothing but encourage me. I need to work on self motivating.
I had a bad day eating yesterday because I was so stressed out. I was beating myself up but I have to learn to just get over it and move on and do better at the next meal. I'm working on getting better at the self talk because I have been very negative this week!! Thats why there haven't been any blogs because I haven't had a reason to type. In reality that is probably when i should have been typing the most.
The one thing I can say is that people are starting to notice a change in my face and I can feel it in my jeans. It gets progressively easier to breathe and catch my breath. Everyone was very encouraging today saying that I would be able to run a 5k in 30 days. Thats crazy to me because i've walked one before. Hey its a great goal and I'll be happy to try it!! I'm learning to remember that we all have set backs but we have to learn how to grow from them.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Watch it I'm feisty!
If you didn't know it already I am a feisty person. My really good friends/family are laughing right now because that is an understatement. I would never fight you unless provoked because you hurt one of the people close to me. A girl in high school used to say that I would forgive a person while the knife was still in my back from them stabbing me. Im not ashamed of that fact because when I have tried to hold grudges it has taken too much energy and time.
I'm crazy protective of those around me. The problem with that is sometimes I can get lost in the background. This journey is making me stand back and focus on myself which is very hard. I don't know how to ignore people. I mean right now I'm looking at the people in this coffee shop and wondering what their lives are like and whether I should speak to them. Thats why I'm in the social work/counseling field because I love learning more about people. I will probably never change this aspect about myself but I do have to put myself first for right now.
So these big ideas/challenges for the day are helping me in my personal life and my work life. For those of you that don't know I work with children to achieve their personal and behavior goals. I've been implementing some of the "I can" or "I will try" positive thinking in some of my sessions and the kids have looked at me like a light switch went on because no one every told them that they could do anything. Its a very awesome feeling to do that for someone. If you are an OBC person you have done that for me. I think that I've spoken with everyone that participates in the camp and everyone has been encouraging.
Speaking of the positive outlook, I have noticed my thinking is getting better and I know that if I can get one more step in or one more crunch I will feel accomplished. Bootcamp tried to beat me today but I fought back and am glad that I made it through!! Today every time we did the 10 sec sprints I would go farther and farther (with the exception with the last one). I actually set landmark goals (a tree or sign on the side of the road) to get to and each time I set them I would get there or awfully close. Its pretty awesome to know that I did 100 sit ups. I don't think I have ever done that many in one setting. Yay one day six pack (okay lets be realistic, i'm just happy that one day i'll have a flat tummy)!!!
Today I also stopped today and looked outside and found that it was a beautiful day. I need to stop and see more often because everytime I do I am amazed at what beauty there is in the world. Even just observing the love that my parents have is beautiful. Whoever gets up first in the morning gets the other coffee and they spend most of their day together and rarely argue. Whatever you say or a smile can make someones day or a nice word can change someone's outlook on something. Well its a beautiful day outside I think i'm gonna go to my next appointment with the top open!!!
I'm crazy protective of those around me. The problem with that is sometimes I can get lost in the background. This journey is making me stand back and focus on myself which is very hard. I don't know how to ignore people. I mean right now I'm looking at the people in this coffee shop and wondering what their lives are like and whether I should speak to them. Thats why I'm in the social work/counseling field because I love learning more about people. I will probably never change this aspect about myself but I do have to put myself first for right now.
So these big ideas/challenges for the day are helping me in my personal life and my work life. For those of you that don't know I work with children to achieve their personal and behavior goals. I've been implementing some of the "I can" or "I will try" positive thinking in some of my sessions and the kids have looked at me like a light switch went on because no one every told them that they could do anything. Its a very awesome feeling to do that for someone. If you are an OBC person you have done that for me. I think that I've spoken with everyone that participates in the camp and everyone has been encouraging.
Speaking of the positive outlook, I have noticed my thinking is getting better and I know that if I can get one more step in or one more crunch I will feel accomplished. Bootcamp tried to beat me today but I fought back and am glad that I made it through!! Today every time we did the 10 sec sprints I would go farther and farther (with the exception with the last one). I actually set landmark goals (a tree or sign on the side of the road) to get to and each time I set them I would get there or awfully close. Its pretty awesome to know that I did 100 sit ups. I don't think I have ever done that many in one setting. Yay one day six pack (okay lets be realistic, i'm just happy that one day i'll have a flat tummy)!!!
Today I also stopped today and looked outside and found that it was a beautiful day. I need to stop and see more often because everytime I do I am amazed at what beauty there is in the world. Even just observing the love that my parents have is beautiful. Whoever gets up first in the morning gets the other coffee and they spend most of their day together and rarely argue. Whatever you say or a smile can make someones day or a nice word can change someone's outlook on something. Well its a beautiful day outside I think i'm gonna go to my next appointment with the top open!!!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Dancing in the rain!
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass but about learning to dance in the rain". It was pouring rain when I left the house this morning but it was fun to splash and run in the rain. Some of the men acted like little boys trying to splash all of us!! I loved it. I'm learning that once you get up in the morning that you can do the workout. Getting out of the warm and toasty bed is the hardest part. I'm also almost done with week 2!! I never would think that I could get through this just a short week and a half ago.
So today we did the "dirty dozen" which consists of constant cardio. You do mountain climbers, high knees, mountain jacks, and jumping jacks then you also sprint/skip/job a length. It was very difficult but I jogged more today than yesterday. I also had sore shins so instead of walking I challenged/pushed myself and jogged when I could be skipping. Its pretty cool because a week ago I would never have wanted to opt for jogging over anything. I also was able to do all the sit ups which is a new thing. Plank is still giving me difficulty but I think part of that is it was slippery today. I'll get better at it!
The mission today is to stop complaining and change something positive about yourself. All I can say is i'm working on it. The positive talk is working. I'm saying "I'm trying" vs. "I can't".
Also, I need to think of people who will go with me for bring a friend day to bootcamp. I already asked my parents but they kind of laughed at me. I'm not surprised because we are crazy for getting up so early!
So today we did the "dirty dozen" which consists of constant cardio. You do mountain climbers, high knees, mountain jacks, and jumping jacks then you also sprint/skip/job a length. It was very difficult but I jogged more today than yesterday. I also had sore shins so instead of walking I challenged/pushed myself and jogged when I could be skipping. Its pretty cool because a week ago I would never have wanted to opt for jogging over anything. I also was able to do all the sit ups which is a new thing. Plank is still giving me difficulty but I think part of that is it was slippery today. I'll get better at it!
The mission today is to stop complaining and change something positive about yourself. All I can say is i'm working on it. The positive talk is working. I'm saying "I'm trying" vs. "I can't".
Also, I need to think of people who will go with me for bring a friend day to bootcamp. I already asked my parents but they kind of laughed at me. I'm not surprised because we are crazy for getting up so early!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Hi I'm Meg and I'm a Food Addict!!!
I'm a food addict. This is pretty crazy but one day last year I realized that I hide what I am eating from people and I constantly binge eat. This writing stuff down in a journal stresses me out because I feel that I will be judged harshly and cruelly if I mess up. I've actually had to make myself be completely honest on this journal and thats weird.
I kind of know when it started, I was in middle school and I started being really hungry all the time but I didn't want anyone to know that I was eating that much so I would sneak a whole bag of chips in the afternoon when my family wasn't looking. I also recently would eat an entire box of mac & cheese. Some nights when I was really depressed or sad about a break up I would buy enough food for an army from chinese or a pizza joint and eat half of it by myself. Thats how I got fat was over eating. I also get really freaked out if I have to eat in front of people unless i'm very close to you. A lot of the fear about eating in front of people comes from a girl I knew in middle school who said that I looked gross when I eat. I actually take extra thought and caution when eating in front of someone new because I don't want to be gross. Good lord girls can be mean, and I'm sorry if I was ever that mean to anyone reading this. I wish I could go back in time and redo those years and actually do something active and fix my perception of myself. .
I now see that I was the cause of my sister's problems with food because she is deathly afraid that she will have the same problems as me. She is now healthy and knows what to eat but I'm still doing it wrong.
I'm starting to get it after 10 days. Its hard because I still crave all of those carby savory meals that I used to have before. I'm glad that I can talk to some of the bootcamp people about it because they tell me that my taste buds and habits will change to the point that I won't crave those things anymore. I can't wait til that time because right now I want to break open a box of mac and cheese and eat it!
One good thing, I'm liking fruit more and actually craving apples and bananas. I've always liked other fruits (pinapple, mango, strawberries, etc) but the basic ones seemed boring to me. I wish I had money for the challenge to buy 2 fruits and 2 veggies that you never buy. Maybe I can talk to my family about that just to try something dinner. Who knows they are open to new things. Speaking of my family, I have to give a shout out to my family (esp. mom and dad) for supporting me and encouraging me. Both of them deal with my alarm going off at 4:30 AM and haven't complained yet. My dad lost about 60 lbs (maybe more) after a heart attack scare just by walking the trails in PTC (5 miles a day). I'm not stupid I know that my goal of 100 lbs is possible its just going to take a long time. My mom is like me and has always struggled with weight but she is very active and eats right. I'm going to get to my goals and I will not be one of the usual people that quits within 2 weeks. I mean I did pay for 60 days and I'm damn well going to get my moneys worth.
I kind of know when it started, I was in middle school and I started being really hungry all the time but I didn't want anyone to know that I was eating that much so I would sneak a whole bag of chips in the afternoon when my family wasn't looking. I also recently would eat an entire box of mac & cheese. Some nights when I was really depressed or sad about a break up I would buy enough food for an army from chinese or a pizza joint and eat half of it by myself. Thats how I got fat was over eating. I also get really freaked out if I have to eat in front of people unless i'm very close to you. A lot of the fear about eating in front of people comes from a girl I knew in middle school who said that I looked gross when I eat. I actually take extra thought and caution when eating in front of someone new because I don't want to be gross. Good lord girls can be mean, and I'm sorry if I was ever that mean to anyone reading this. I wish I could go back in time and redo those years and actually do something active and fix my perception of myself. .
I now see that I was the cause of my sister's problems with food because she is deathly afraid that she will have the same problems as me. She is now healthy and knows what to eat but I'm still doing it wrong.
I'm starting to get it after 10 days. Its hard because I still crave all of those carby savory meals that I used to have before. I'm glad that I can talk to some of the bootcamp people about it because they tell me that my taste buds and habits will change to the point that I won't crave those things anymore. I can't wait til that time because right now I want to break open a box of mac and cheese and eat it!
One good thing, I'm liking fruit more and actually craving apples and bananas. I've always liked other fruits (pinapple, mango, strawberries, etc) but the basic ones seemed boring to me. I wish I had money for the challenge to buy 2 fruits and 2 veggies that you never buy. Maybe I can talk to my family about that just to try something dinner. Who knows they are open to new things. Speaking of my family, I have to give a shout out to my family (esp. mom and dad) for supporting me and encouraging me. Both of them deal with my alarm going off at 4:30 AM and haven't complained yet. My dad lost about 60 lbs (maybe more) after a heart attack scare just by walking the trails in PTC (5 miles a day). I'm not stupid I know that my goal of 100 lbs is possible its just going to take a long time. My mom is like me and has always struggled with weight but she is very active and eats right. I'm going to get to my goals and I will not be one of the usual people that quits within 2 weeks. I mean I did pay for 60 days and I'm damn well going to get my moneys worth.
Happy F***in Valentines Day
Happy Valentines day or Singles Awareness Day aka SAD as I like to call it!! Yes I know I'm a day late but I was freaking busy with work yesterday and then had an awesome dinner with friends. I drank last night which is unheard of at bootcamp. I'm a lush though and like to stay hydrated :). I did drink Orange Vodka and Club Soda so it was a much better decision than beer. I can't tell if it really affected my work out because I did better than yesterday and still finished it. All I can do is improve.
I have had to ice my ankle 3 times in the last two days because of the suicides in the rain. I twisted it I think 2 times and it sucks. I guess "to be badass" as Laura would say takes some hurt and pain. I definitely already have battle wounds: scabs, bruises, strains, soreness. Today though I ran a lot and actually made it farther than I had so far.
Anyways, yesterday was pretty good even though I have no romantic love bugs or snookums. Its just me but I do have to admit that my friends are awesome! Its entertaining though how your friends with boyfriends handle you with kid gloves on Valentines day almost like they think i'm going to do something rash like go streaking through a really nice restaurant to ruin people's nights. Ha, I'm doing that next year, and seriously admit it you would love to have that story about the crazy single girl who went streaking on Vday!!
I've realized that I can be single for a while this time because I need to work/concentrate on myself. Whenever I get into relationships I forget to take care of myself and bend over backwards for the other person. My journey isn't just about this physical battle I have with food and weight, but also with my mental state and spirit. You can't live forever only concentrating on other people's problems. I also have to remember to "let go and let God".
So anyways, I'm happy for everyone that has love and one day will have it for myself. Everyone has that someone somewhere and I just need to learn to be patient and not date every trainwreck that thinks i'm pretty (stupid self esteem)!!!
BTW if you are reading this I love feedback, comments, etc so leave them if you want!
I have had to ice my ankle 3 times in the last two days because of the suicides in the rain. I twisted it I think 2 times and it sucks. I guess "to be badass" as Laura would say takes some hurt and pain. I definitely already have battle wounds: scabs, bruises, strains, soreness. Today though I ran a lot and actually made it farther than I had so far.
Anyways, yesterday was pretty good even though I have no romantic love bugs or snookums. Its just me but I do have to admit that my friends are awesome! Its entertaining though how your friends with boyfriends handle you with kid gloves on Valentines day almost like they think i'm going to do something rash like go streaking through a really nice restaurant to ruin people's nights. Ha, I'm doing that next year, and seriously admit it you would love to have that story about the crazy single girl who went streaking on Vday!!
I've realized that I can be single for a while this time because I need to work/concentrate on myself. Whenever I get into relationships I forget to take care of myself and bend over backwards for the other person. My journey isn't just about this physical battle I have with food and weight, but also with my mental state and spirit. You can't live forever only concentrating on other people's problems. I also have to remember to "let go and let God".
So anyways, I'm happy for everyone that has love and one day will have it for myself. Everyone has that someone somewhere and I just need to learn to be patient and not date every trainwreck that thinks i'm pretty (stupid self esteem)!!!
BTW if you are reading this I love feedback, comments, etc so leave them if you want!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Positive Outlook
I usually think that I'm a very positive person, until I look at myself and I become very negative. I mean today I woke up and looked at my stomach and my first thought was "fat" not "hey i'm kicking ass waking up every early". How messed up is my thinking. I went to boot camp this morning and realized that my work out pants are looser than last week. Also my jeans are fitting better. My best friend told me that I needed to stop calling myself "fat" and my other best friend said that everytime I said it she would be kicking me in the shin to realize that it is not right to do. I'm slowly learning that I'm my harshest critic and no one else sees me as "fat", "lazy", "annoying", etc. They see me as: funny, outgoing, friendly, crazy, etc. Are people just being nice or do I have a skewed view?
I'm really positive about other people. I'm always encouraging people to do things that are good for them. People comment about how hard things in life are and how hard my former job was, but I just think that I can appreciate how wonderful my life is. I don't have to struggle through life because I have people that will help me.
This morning was hard because I woke up late and was freezing my butt off even before I stepped outside. I don't like the cold and it was hard to get up. I also think that I'm holding others back in the work out. Some of the veteran boot campers have told me that I am doing well and trying. They also say that they aren't being held back by me and everyone has been there at one time or another. I have to learn how to think that way. I'm actually out of bed and I need to congratulate myself every morning when I get up at an ungodly hour to work out which most people don't do.
I think yesterday the bootcamp email came out saying that you need to use positive statements and I tried that this morning (I did say try) and I found myself giving myself goals like i would be able to hop the length of the course instead of just high knees and would be able to do full crunches and real planks (instead of motified). I also have to tell myself that it will be a journey until I can keep up with everyone and I will get there!! I'm trying and that is all that I can ask of myself. If it was easy to get in shape everyone would be and I would have done it a long time ago!!
Positive for today: I ran up the hill and over to the other hill where we backwards run. I didn't even think about it thanks to Dori for distracting me by talking about her son!!! All of a sudden I realized that I jogged the farthest I had!!!
Another positive: I'm liking grilled chicken more and can tell when something is really fatty (I actually pulled bacon out of a wrap today because it was just too much). I think I'm gonna make it this time and make all the habits the right ones so I don't have to ever get to this point again!
I'm really positive about other people. I'm always encouraging people to do things that are good for them. People comment about how hard things in life are and how hard my former job was, but I just think that I can appreciate how wonderful my life is. I don't have to struggle through life because I have people that will help me.
This morning was hard because I woke up late and was freezing my butt off even before I stepped outside. I don't like the cold and it was hard to get up. I also think that I'm holding others back in the work out. Some of the veteran boot campers have told me that I am doing well and trying. They also say that they aren't being held back by me and everyone has been there at one time or another. I have to learn how to think that way. I'm actually out of bed and I need to congratulate myself every morning when I get up at an ungodly hour to work out which most people don't do.
I think yesterday the bootcamp email came out saying that you need to use positive statements and I tried that this morning (I did say try) and I found myself giving myself goals like i would be able to hop the length of the course instead of just high knees and would be able to do full crunches and real planks (instead of motified). I also have to tell myself that it will be a journey until I can keep up with everyone and I will get there!! I'm trying and that is all that I can ask of myself. If it was easy to get in shape everyone would be and I would have done it a long time ago!!
Positive for today: I ran up the hill and over to the other hill where we backwards run. I didn't even think about it thanks to Dori for distracting me by talking about her son!!! All of a sudden I realized that I jogged the farthest I had!!!
Another positive: I'm liking grilled chicken more and can tell when something is really fatty (I actually pulled bacon out of a wrap today because it was just too much). I think I'm gonna make it this time and make all the habits the right ones so I don't have to ever get to this point again!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
On to Bigger and Better Things!
I'm starting this blog because I have started a new phase in my life. Feb 6, 2012 is where I'm starting and hopefully i'll look back on Monday as a huge turning point in my life.
First off, I started my new job on Monday, which means I finally got the guts to leave DFCS. I finally had enough of the constant stress and constant working. But now I feel like its only a matter of time before I go back. I also don't know what to do with myself.
Second, I started boot camp Monday morning at 5 AM. Yes I know its crazy, but I have to do something to change my health, not that I'm unhealthy, but I'm not in shape and need to do that for myself. I don't know how to do it on my own.
All I know is that I made it through 5 days of boot camp and feel good about myself.
Third, I quit smoking after the PT test on Monday, and have only had 3 puffs of a cigarette since Monday. Its not as hard as I thought it would be! I've tried this before but I think i've found the will power.
You guys know that I seem very confident all the time, well its hard to be me sometimes. I'm happy with my friends, my job, and my family. The love life I've always wanted is alluding me. I say I'm content being single, but one day I want to have that family that some of my friends are having now. The truth is that I don't want to settle for something okay if one day I could have fabulous. I watch some of my friends make huge mistakes and don't want to repeat those or make some of the same ones I've already made.
My goals are to:
-work out everyday
-no longer take a few puffs of cigarettes
-lose a LOT of weight
-stop looking down on myself or putting myself down (ie. Calling myself fat)
There are more but they will be posted later.
So far I don't think i've lost any weight and I think i'm so tired that i'm actually thinking more negatively about myself.
My family drives me insane becuase they think that everything I do is trivial. Maybe one day they will understand what I've been through and am doing everyday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)