Taking the Excuses to the dump!

This has been a challenge for me recently because it has been so easy for me to stay in bed.  I have to convince myself to get out of bed constantly because I'm just so tired.  I missed 2 weeks of bootcamp, the most I have ever missed since I started in February of last year.  I just couldn't do it, I got discouraged and tried to give up.  The problem with that is that you start getting depressed and feeling worthless when you do that.  I also start drinking more when i'm not having to get up every morning at 5:00 AM. 

I want to outline my goals for right now because a lot of things are changing and morphing:

1. Go to bootcamp everyday that I can (may be impossible during hell week (theater) and if not at bootcamp then I must work out in some capacity (outside of dancing at the show)

2. Lose one more jeans size.  I want to comfortably be able to fit into size 16 pants by the end of October. 

3. I want to get below 200 by January.

4. Eat healthier everyday, don't cheat, just eat what fuels me.  If I do cheat (come on it happens), remember that it isn't the end of the world and just do better the next meal.  But don't cheat in the first place, yeah!

5. Drink 5 Aquafina (1 Liter) bottles of water a day.  I don't waste bottles I just refill them but that is how I measure them.

6. Be able to run a mile under 13 minutes, that is where it has been stable forever, and I want it to go down.  I would say by the end of September

Here are the changes that have been happening lately:

A> I decided that I wanted to change career paths so I have decided to start the process of getting into grad school.  Which entails me going to Clayton State for a year for biology classes and then getting into Occupational Therapy School. 

B> I'm doing a show for the first time in 2 years.  I will actually be on Stage.  I'm doing 3 parts in this show and I am super excited. Its a musical and all of you should come. 

C> I want to start branching out socially but am poor as crap!  I really want to sky dive! 

Alrighty I'm out because I have to start my dance rehearsal.  Love you guys! 

Blues

Some days you wonder why your feelings just won't go away. Today is one of those days, I've been trying to shake the heartbreak but it keeps settling in like an old friend. I'm no longer devastated but I do still wonder why I deserved that treatment and why I care so much still. I should be able to kick the blues permanently. A very wise person told me today that my deep lasting feelings were because I was actually in love with him fully and it is strength that allows me to admit that I am still hurting. I'm gonna get through this and be better for it.  I know, I hear people thinking "get over it already" and I tell myself that too but it gets better everyday. Today is an exception bc I found out that he was cheating on me and immediately started dating that girl when he left me. It hurts, partly bc I want the bastard to feel my pain and also bc I don't really get how horrible selfish people get the good things in life. Life isn't fair, but I do have some pretty awesome people who get me through. Now to work on what is really important: theater, health, and getting into grad school. Oh and go to work!! 

Being Choosy

 

Both of these pictures are very true for me.  I have realized that I always date fixer upper guys.  I need to learn how to pick ones that aren't mental patients, hobos, or mutes.  I have been going through some counseling and finally figured out that I am the problem in these relationships.  I subconsciously think that I don't deserve to have a great guy.  Its pretty cool that I have realized what my problem has been and I can work on my self esteem in order to start believing that I deserve more.  I can be told all day long that I'm great, wonderful, etc, but as we know people don't always believe what others tell them, and usually can make them think that someone is just pitying them. 

 

I'm working on my self esteem and its been getting better.  I tell myself everyday that I'm worth everything and anything that I want.  So that has been my focus for a while.  I'm also working on reading a book that is titled "The gift of Imperfections"-Brene Brown (I recommend it).  I have realized that I am constantly looking at my next goal and never satisfied about what I have. I'm sure that explains a lot about me, especially when it comes to being happy with others.  I'm very grateful for my friends/family and am trying to remember that I'm accomplished.  Okay, i'm getting distracted by the tv so I will type more, but I will try to type more soon! 

 

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