I have been having a very rough time with my anxiety. I continue to delve into people's meanings about things and overanalyze/worry about every decision I make. I know that I need to stop this but for some reason I feel like I do this worse than most people and don't know how I got this way. As the title says, I am my own judge jury and executioner. I make my own problems worse with this overanalyzation. I wish I could turn it off but its much harder than that. Life is hunkydory other than that. I still have my job, I have an amazing guy/family/friends, and I'm studying for the GRE. I shouldn't complain or worry. Today I am editing my thoughts a lot because I feel like I might rant forever on here about all of my worrying. You guys don't read this crazy blog for that, you guys read it for my strides in exercise and weight loss. I hear you, I'm getting to it. I know that this whole journey is about my whole life becoming healthier which includes my emotional health.
Anyways,
I have lost the 10 lbs I gained over Christmas Holidays. I have been eating no carbs and following the paleo. I'm not perfect but it seems to be helping. I want to get down past the 250 mark. I need to get below it and I will know that it is possible. I have been struggling with cutting out the carbs again this time. I love them and I am severely addicted to them. I have fallen 2-3 times since I started again. I have mixed feelings about having to go off them completely. I think part of that is that I don't want my body to not be able to process them in the future. What kind of life is that? I need to stop caring about food so much. I need to keep my mind busy so that I don't keep obsessing about food. I know I have more willpower than that. I can get this weight off and keep it off. I will one day not be ruled by what I eat but until that point I have to keep my head down and eat what is good for me. I have been throwing around the idea of doing weight watchers again but I don't know if I should. What do you think? I mean it did work for me, but paleo is working well too. I know that there will be more dietary restrictions in different ways for weight watchers. Hm.....we will see! By my calculations I have 100 more pounds around to go. I didn't think that it was that much, but yeah. I guess I have a lot more work that I thought I had. But I have to think of it this way, I have to continue to think that I have come so far. I have lost so much and kept it off, and I'm doing it the healthy way. Okay....woosah! I can do this. I can be healthy and bring on the sexy. Okay, going to study for the GRE so that I can stop saying i'm going to grad school and actually do it!
Megan, keep going. I have struggled with my weight, and especially my will-power around food, for the last ten years. I just found your blog but I intend to keep reading it. I am inspired by your efforts.
ReplyDeleteSide note: don't obsess about how you are more anxious than other people...um...cause if you do that you are kind of doing what you say you want to stop doing, only you are doing it about itself. I think.
--Andrew (Rachael Shaw's Man-hunk)