Okay, so last time I was on here I was getting all high and mighty about how I needed to worry about myself before I got into a relationship. Well I have been on 3 dates since then. The first one was with a cute guy who thought he was so cool. He told me all the right things but since I haven't heard from him I'm assuming I wanted a relationship and he wanted sex. He also got pissed off at a fly that was in the restaurant. The second guy was adorable but more high strung than me.....is that even possible?? I felt like I needed to tell him to take a chill pill! He was nice but he definitely was more friend material. The third one brought me flowers and we went to a nice dinner and he seemed super sweet.
Why is it that the first guy gave me more spark than the last one? Am I really just trying to have another unhealthy relationship? Probably because I don't think I have ever had a good one. Does everyone say that though?? Does anyone ever really have a completely positive relationship??
I mean take for example a friend. She believes that I judge every move she makes and will hate her if she does the wrong thing. I get offended by her saying this, but can I really blame her? She has only had people that have been friends to her while she isn't doing anything "crazy" or "self destructive" (her words not mine). Now to set the record straight, I love that chick because she is one of the most faithful friends I have ever had. She also is the most encouraging and craziest! I love my friends in spite of their flaws. Shit, I'm one to talk, I do self destructive eating.
Do we always judge our current relationships on our past ones? So in reality, are we all just self destructive and making self fulfilling prophecies? Do I cause unhealthy relationships because I believe that all men cheat, lie, and are insincere?
I know that I sabotage things because I am so scared to get hurt that I want to know the end game before the game is even in play. My patience is shot too, probably because I am in constant contact with my phone and don't understand how people don't do that. Maybe because I am too connected to everyone. I'm gonna try this week at Caro's to be detached from my phone. I mean the only people that will really matter will be with me (don't be offended everyone, I just haven't seen her in ages).
Will I ever really figure it out? I don't think so because no one ever knows what they really need or want and there is always a question in everyone's minds about something. I don't know if I am done analyzing this, but today I am because one of my besties told me yesterday that I needed to just live and not think so much.....So here we go!
No comments:
Post a Comment