Hi I'm Meg and I'm a Food Addict!!!

I'm a food addict. This is pretty crazy but one day last year I realized that I hide what I am eating from people and I constantly binge eat. This writing stuff down in a journal stresses me out because I feel that I will be judged harshly and cruelly if I mess up. I've actually had to make myself be completely honest on this journal and thats weird.

I kind of know when it started, I was in middle school and I started being really hungry all the time but I didn't want anyone to know that I was eating that much so I would sneak a whole bag of chips in the afternoon when my family wasn't looking. I also recently would eat an entire box of mac & cheese. Some nights when I was really depressed or sad about a break up I would buy enough food for an army from chinese or a pizza joint and eat half of it by myself. Thats how I got fat was over eating. I also get really freaked out if I have to eat in front of people unless i'm very close to you. A lot of the fear about eating in front of people comes from a girl I knew in middle school who said that I looked gross when I eat. I actually take extra thought and caution when eating in front of someone new because I don't want to be gross. Good lord girls can be mean, and I'm sorry if I was ever that mean to anyone reading this. I wish I could go back in time and redo those years and actually do something active and fix my perception of myself. .

I now see that I was the cause of my sister's problems with food because she is deathly afraid that she will have the same problems as me. She is now healthy and knows what to eat but I'm still doing it wrong.

I'm starting to get it after 10 days. Its hard because I still crave all of those carby savory meals that I used to have before. I'm glad that I can talk to some of the bootcamp people about it because they tell me that my taste buds and habits will change to the point that I won't crave those things anymore. I can't wait til that time because right now I want to break open a box of mac and cheese and eat it!

One good thing, I'm liking fruit more and actually craving apples and bananas. I've always liked other fruits (pinapple, mango, strawberries, etc) but the basic ones seemed boring to me. I wish I had money for the challenge to buy 2 fruits and 2 veggies that you never buy. Maybe I can talk to my family about that just to try something dinner. Who knows they are open to new things. Speaking of my family, I have to give a shout out to my family (esp. mom and dad) for supporting me and encouraging me. Both of them deal with my alarm going off at 4:30 AM and haven't complained yet. My dad lost about 60 lbs (maybe more) after a heart attack scare just by walking the trails in PTC (5 miles a day). I'm not stupid I know that my goal of 100 lbs is possible its just going to take a long time. My mom is like me and has always struggled with weight but she is very active and eats right. I'm going to get to my goals and I will not be one of the usual people that quits within 2 weeks. I mean I did pay for 60 days and I'm damn well going to get my moneys worth.